21 Nov 2023

Confused as a Student

This blog is me ranting about why I am way too confused as a student.

What is the confusion about ?

I am a Computer Engineering student pursuing my diploma in a private college in my city. Unlike the others, I am someone who questions every small thing a lot and at times I’m very rude to people of my age group near or around my college circle. I am barely accessible to everyone and do not have a big circle. My margin is limited only to 3 other students.

I feel like getting an education from an engineering college that has no good staff or culture sucks so much that you might want to quit. I am going through that similar situation. I often get confused about whether should I study pass exams, get good marks or I should learn what is more important and something that adds data into my cloud called my brain. I believe more on the practical side of things so I of course chose the second option of trying to learn what is more important to me. And, yes there are disadvantages to it but tbh I feel very happy looking at a couple of classmates of mine who are confused on the same yet chose to walk on the first path of studying to pass the exam and gain good marks. Why? because they want to study in a good college. No matter how they fall behind in gaining real knowledge, they still want to cope with the curriculum.

I honestly do not want to blame the students for choosing that path because it’s what they are asked to walk on. Getting good marks, and getting into a good college that has nice corporate candies with packages of 8-10 or even 15-20 LPA is easier for them. I feel that is legit but what about all the things you are missing out on now? What about all the things you can learn. Perhaps, a student who chooses the path of studying, marks, and good college won’t ever be able to learn things that the commons do not. Even if they get a good job and want to continue learning different things ahead in life, only 2% out of 100% would be able to do just because coping with a Full Time Job is harder than learning things when you’re a student and have ample amount of time to learn and explore around whatever you like.

I always had this question in my mind, “Am I a dumbass retard who is just not studying and will end up in a shit college paying double money ?”, or “Am I someone who on purpose does different things just to flex?”. Honestly, yes I might end up in a bad college, but I will always know something different from the majority. I believe in investing 90% of my time working on different things and learning newer tech every day. Just because that satisfies me and I love doing that.

One of my friends is going through the same. He seemed confused between academics, self-learning, and helping his parents at home? I never know what he must be facing, maybe even that easy for me to say that focus on what’s important.

IMHO, I will never be able to manage academics and self-learning at the same time. I would love to make the sacrifice of academics <3 and yes I’m still very dumb at basic things and haven’t mastered anything special.

Not sure if I have solved my confusion or not, but questions are important.